Gun shows

[Rover]

I thought I posted this, but can't find it. It's just like real life!


Old Guys and Gun Shows!
Copyright 2007 - Stephen Redgwell

Are you going to a gun show? If so, will you tell me which one, so I can avoid it? As much as I would like to meet you, let's chat over a cup of coffee at Tim Hortons some time - NOT in front of the used lever gun table at the arena! You're old and it's scary!

What's that? You say you're not old? Let me paint you a picture of your future then. It's 8AM on Sunday morning and you're not really awake. You arrive at the show - usually held at the local arena or community centre - and are shocked by the lack of good parking. Some other (smarter) attendees have beaten you there and that means you are forced to park at least a hundred feet from the main entrance! This would be okay if you were under 60 - it would be a short walk for a youngster like that. The bad news is you're an over 60, out of shape male with a beer gut, thinning hair and several bothersome medical conditions. This is your Bataan Death March.

Standing beside your truck, you realize that you are in a sea of other oldsters. You'll join the slow, painful migration of aging flesh as everyone sluggishly shuffles toward the entrance. While in the crowd, you hear bones cracking. Everyone is cursing at body parts that don't work like they used to. In short, you hear the noises of seniors trying to move without breaking. And there's that unmistakable aroma of "old person" in the air. It's easy to visualize what it must be like to live near an elephant grave yard.

You hear things like, "They should have more handicapped parking." or "See that red pickup? It's Joe's. He manages to get a good spot near the entrance every time!"

That is the voice of a vet - a gun show regular that goes primarily for the conversation and comradeship of other older men who have nothing else to do on a Sunday morning.

"Hi Bill. How's the sciatica?" asks a grey haired pensioner of indeterminate age. His buddy is dressed in a Ducks Unlimited hat, shirt and trousers. "It's bad this morning, Dale. My arthritis is acting up too. It would be hell in the duck boat today..."

Another man complains about prices, not aches and pains. "Did you see the price of that Lee Enfield? The guy wants $75! It's not worth $10! Damn crook. I gotta stop coming to these stupid shows..."

Two long time friends exit the building for a cigarette. They huddle together with the rest of the smokers in an effort to get out of the drizzle. One says to the other, "For crying out loud, Ed, give the guy his $50. It's a frickin' Leupold! You can send it back to the factory for repairs. Who gives a [bleep] if it doesn't work right now. It's lifetime warrantied!"

His buddy doesn't want to part with any cash, "Nah, it's used. Is it even worth $50? I don't know if it's broken. What happens if I get it mounted on my 30-30 and it doesn't work? Who wants to wait for it to be mailed to the States, get fixed and come back? I could be dead by then..."

Inside, you witness what must be considered hunting hell. When you die, if you've been a bad person, this is likely what you'll face for all eternity. People are standing around in the middle of the aisles, confused, or chatting and blocking traffic. You can't understand what most of them are saying because your hearing isn't what it used to be. Most tables don't have prices marked. You forgot your glasses anyway. The coffee is terrible. It's loud. That idiot from your gun club is there again. Why doesn't he ever stay home? Your leg is paining you. There's no place to sit down.

Anyone moving faster than a limp is reckless and a punk. God damn kids! What's his rush...You'd like to tell him off, but won't. Older people curse under their breath at anyone under 60, but rarely verbalize in a crowd. You may have been an alpha male once upon a time, but that time is long gone and you're scared of being attacked. The fact is you're intimidated by anyone with good circulation. If you can walk without assistance, you're considered a predator.

You slowly circulate through the show, seeing most of the same junk that was there last month. Nothing has changed. It's cost you five bucks to get in and all you've managed to do is grumble about the lack of 'good stuff', bitch about prices, complain yet again about the bad coffee and point out that this is a stupid way to spend a Sunday morning. Everyone you talk to agrees. You decide to leave around 11:30 and get some lunch. Walking out the front door, you start saying your goodbyes to friends.

"See you next show?" asks an oldster in a dirty, camo ball cap.

"Absolutely." you reply, "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

[nglitz]

The "author" sounds like a real jerk.

[Rover]

Yeah, he completely missed the 600+ lb. guys in their wheelchairs who park square in the aisle intersections.

[fc60]

Rover,

Did you visit our last gun show in Puyallup, Washington?

Your description matches our last event.

Cheers,

Dave

[Rover]

No, but I have been no it. Nothing changes.

I suspect the jerky is the same, too.

[David M]

You do realize that you only go to Gun show to see people
that you haven't seen since the previous Gun show.

[fc60]

Greetings,

Actually, I have an advantage at some of the Goon Shows.

I seek out Bullseye equipment. Items that most folks have no clue as to what it is and the rest of the "Black Rifle and Glock" crowd do not want.

Occasionally, you encounter a seller whose parent passed away and they are selling all their fine Bullseye goodies to fund a new boat motor. These items are priced to sell, not placed on display.

It could be worse. They, the good hearted folks, could shut the show's down all together.

Cheers,

Dave

Bullseye shooter since 1976

[Rover]

Got that right!

I'm always on the lookout for air guns, but my last two purchases were a .357 and .44 Magnum.

[john bickar]

Got that right!

I'm always on the lookout for air guns, but my last two purchases were a .357 and .44 Magnum.

Single-stroke pneumatics, I presume.

[Misny]

Looks like at your age, you should be at church "getting right with God" on Sunday morning.:)

[Rover]

On Sunday, I prepare to meet my maker....of good bourbon.